i’m glad to write to you. at this moment, words can no longer express my feelings.
how kind and responsible can a teacher be? you just gave me the perfect answer. i can clearly remember how much i hated learning new english words at first. to be honest, i really wanted to give up. as soon as you noticed this, you offered to help me by telling me some shortcuts to learn them. you never failed to encourage me even when i made only a little progress. little by little, my interest in english grew and now i’m a top student in english.
i want to say thanks to you. i will work harder in the future to live up to your expectations. i hope you can be happy and healthy forever.
yours
xiaoming
點評：
這篇修改後的作文無論在語言表達以及文章內涵方面都是相當優秀的。
首先，開頭at this moment, words can no longer express my feelings. 短短的一句話便把作者此時的激動和對老師的感激之情表達得很充分。第二段首句的設問句how kind and responsible can a teacher be? 更是精彩。在描寫自己起初對英語單詞的厭煩時，作者用了一個how 所引導的賓語從句替代原文的普通句式。
文章的幾個過渡語也是恰到好處: to be honest, little by little等，均在一定程度上增強了文章的連貫性。此外，幾個表達法也相當地道、出彩，比如用 live up to one’s expectations (不辜負某人的期望)表示自己的決心，使得整篇文章的感情更加飽滿、真摯，給人留下了深刻的印象。