3. when you borrowed the digital camera to take pictures of your mothers birthday, you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. suffice it to say i have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but i assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (try to use a spell check please; i hate having to correct your mistakes.)
thank you for your time, and i expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. one word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. never screw with your systems administrator. why? because they know what you do with all that free time!
wishing you a grand and glorious day.