TED英語演講稿：解密愛情與出軌

i'd like to talk today about the two biggest social trends in the coming century, and perhaps in the next 10,000 years. but i want to start with my work on romantic love, because that's my most recent work. what i and my colleagues did was put 32 people, who were madly in love, into a functional mri brain scanner. 17 who were madly in love and their love was accepted; and 15 who were madly in love and they had just been dumped. and so i want to tell you about that first, and then go on into where i think love is going.

"what 'tis to love?" shakespeare said. i think our ancestors -- i think human beings have been wondering about this question since they sat around their campfires or lay and watched the stars a million years ago. i started out by trying to figure out what romantic love was by looking at the last 45 years of research on -- just the psychological research -- and as it turns out, there's a very specific group of things that happen when you fall in love. the first thing that happens is what i call -- a person begins to take on what i call, "special meaning." as a truck driver once said to me, he said, "the world had a new center, and that center was mary anne."

george bernard shaw said it a little differently. he said, "love consists of overestimating the differences between one woman and another." and indeed, that's what we do. (laughter) and then you just focus on this person. you can list what you don't like about them, but then you sweep that aside and focus on what you do. as chaucer said, "love is blind."

in trying to understand romantic love, i decided i would read poetry from all over the world, and i just want to give you one very short poem from eighth-century china, because it's an almost perfect example of a man who is focused totally on a particular woman. it's a little bit like when you are madly in love with somebody and you walk into a parking lot -- their car is different from every other car in the parking lot. their wine glass at dinner is different from every other wine glass at the dinner party. and in this case, a man got hooked on a bamboo sleeping mat.

and it goes like this. it's by a guy called yuan chen: "i cannot bear to put away the bamboo sleeping mat. the night i brought you home, i watched you roll it out." he became hooked on a sleeping mat, probably because of elevated activity of dopamine in his brain, just like with you and me. but anyway, not only does this person take on special meaning, you focus your attention on them. you aggrandize them. but you have intense energy. as one polynesian said, he said, "i felt like jumping in the sky." you're up all night. you're walking till dawn. you feel intense elation when things are going well; mood swings into horrible despair when things are going poorly. real dependence on this person. as one businessman in new york said to me, he said, "anything she liked, i liked." simple. romantic love is very simple.

you become extremely sexually possessive. you know, if you're just sleeping with somebody casually, you don't really care if they're sleeping with somebody else. but the moment you fall in love, you become extremely sexually possessive of them. i think that that is a darwinian -- there's a darwinian purpose to this. the whole point of this is to pull two people together strongly enough to begin to rear babies as a team.

but the main characteristics of romantic love are craving: an intense craving to be with a particular person, not just sexually, but emotionally. you'd much rather -- it would be nice to go to bed with them, but you want them to call you on the telephone, to invite you out, etc., to tell you that they love you. the other main characteristic is motivation. the motor in your brain begins to crank, and you want this person.

and last but not least, it is an obsession. when i put these people in the machine, before i put them in the mri machine, i would ask them all kinds of questions. but my most important question was always the same. it was: "what percentage of the day and night do you think about this person?" and indeed, they would say, "all day. all night. i can never stop thinking about him or her."

and then, the very last question i would ask them -- i would always have to work myself up to this question, because i am not a psychologist. i don't work with people in any kind of traumatic situation. and my final question was always the same. i would say, "would you die for him or her?" and, indeed, these people would say "yes!" as if i had asked them to pass the salt. i was just staggered by it. so we scanned their brains, looking at a photograph of their sweetheart and looking at a neutral photograph, with a distraction task in between. so we could look at the same brain when it was in that heightened state and when it was in a resting state. and we found activity in a lot of brain regions. in fact, one of the most important was a brain region that becomes active when you feel the rush of cocaine. and indeed, that's exactly what happens.

i began to realize that romantic love is not an emotion. in fact, i had always thought it was a series of emotions, from very high to very low. but actually, it's a drive. it comes from the motor of the mind, the wanting part of the mind, the craving part of the mind. the kind of mind -- part of the mind -- when you're reaching for that piece of chocolate, when you want to win that promotion at work. the motor of the brain. it's a drive.

and in fact, i think it's more powerful than the sex drive. you know, if you ask somebody to go to bed with you, and they say, "no, thank you," you certainly don't kill yourself or slip into a clinical depression. but certainly, around the world, people who are rejected in love will kill for it. people live for love. they kill for love. they die for love. they have songs, poems, novels, sculptures, paintings, myths, legends. in over 175 societies, people have left their evidence of this powerful brain system. i have come to think it's one of the most powerful brain systems on earth for both great joy and great sorrow.

and i've also come to think that it's one of three basically different brain systems that evolved from mating and reproduction. one is the sex drive: the craving for sexual gratification. w.h. auden called it an "intolerable neural itch," and indeed, that's what it is. it keeps bothering you a little bit, like being hungry. the second of these three brain systems is romantic love: that elation, obsession of early love. and the third brain system is attachment: that sense of calm and security you can feel for a long-term partner.

and i think that the sex drive evolved to get you out there, looking for a whole range of partners. you know, you can feel it when you're just driving along in your car. it can be focused on nobody.

i think romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy on just one individual at a time, thereby conserving mating time and energy. and i think that attachment, the third brain system, evolved to enable you to tolerate this human being -- (laughter) -- at least long enough to raise a child together as a team.

so with that preamble, i want to go into discussing the two most profound social trends. one of the last 10,000 years and the other, certainly of the last 25 years, that are going to have an impact on these three different brain systems: lust, romantic love and deep attachment to a partner.

the first is women working, moving into the workforce. i've looked at 130 societies through the demographic yearbooks of the united nations. and everywhere in the world, 129 out of 130 of them, women are not only moving into the job market -- sometimes very, very slowly, but they are moving into the job market -- and they are very slowly closing that gap between men and women in terms of economic power, health and education. it's very slow.

for every trend on this planet, there's a counter-trend. we all know of them, but nevertheless -- the arabs say, "the dogs may bark, but the caravan moves on." and, indeed, that caravan is moving on. women are moving back into the job market. and i say back into the job market, because this is not new. for millions of years, on the grasslands of africa, women commuted to work to gather their vegetables. they came home with 60 to 80 percent of the evening meal. the double income family was the standard. and women were regarded as just as economically, socially and sexually powerful as men. in short, we're really moving forward to the past.

then, women's worst invention was the plow. with the beginning of plow agriculture, men's roles became extremely powerful. women lost their ancient jobs as collectors, but then with the industrial revolution and the post-industrial revolution they're moving back into the job market. in short, they are acquiring the status that they had a million years ago, 10,000 years ago, 100,000 years ago. we are seeing now one of the most remarkable traditions in the history of the human animal. and it's going to have an impact.

i generally give a whole lecture on the impact of women on the business community. i'll only just say a couple of things, and then go on to sex and love. there's a lot of gender differences; anybody who thinks men and women are alike simply never had a boy and a girl child. i don't know why it is that they want to think that men and women are alike.

there's much we have in common, but there's a whole lot that we do not have in common. we are -- in the words of ted hughes, "i think that we were built to be -- we're like two feet. we need each other to get ahead." but we did not evolve to have the same brain.

and we're finding more and more and more gender differences in the brain. i'll only just use a couple and then move on to sex and love. one of them is women's verbal ability. women can talk.

women's ability to find the right word rapidly, basic articulation goes up in the middle of the menstrual cycle, when estrogen levels peak. but even at menstruation, they're better than the average man. women can talk. they've been doing it for a million years; words were women's tools. they held that baby in front of their face, cajoling it, reprimanding it, educating it with words. and, indeed, they're becoming a very powerful force.

even in places like india and japan, where women are not moving rapidly into the regular job market, they're moving into journalism. and i think that the television is like the global campfire. we sit around it and it shapes our minds. almost always, when i'm on tv, the producers who call me, who negotiate what we're going to say, is a woman. in fact, solzhenitsyn once said, "to have a great writer is to have another government."

today 54 percent of people who are writers in america are women. it's one of many, many characteristics that women have that they will bring into the job market. they've got incredible people skills, negotiating skills. they're highly imaginative. we now know the brain circuitry of imagination, of long-term planning. they tend to be web thinkers.

because the female parts of the brain are better connected, they tend to collect more pieces of data when they think, put them into more complex patterns, see more options and outcomes. they tend to be contextual, holistic thinkers, what i call web thinkers.

men tend to -- and these are averages -- tend to get rid of what they regard as extraneous, focus on what they do, and move in a more step-by-step thinking pattern. they're both perfectly good ways of thinking. we need both of them to get ahead. in fact, there's many more male geniuses in the world. when the -- and there's also many more male idiots in the world. (laughter) when the male brain works well, it works extremely well. and what i really think that we're doing is, we're moving towards a collaborative society, a society in which the talents of both men and women are becoming understood and valued and employed.

but in fact, women moving into the job market is having a huge impact on sex and romance and family life. foremost, women are starting to express their sexuality. i'm always astonished when people come to me and say, "why is it that men are so adulterous?" and i say, "why do you think more men are adulterous than women?" "oh, well -- men are more adulterous!" and i say, "who do you think these men are sleeping with?" and -- basic math! (laughter)

anyway. in the western world, women start sooner at sex, have more partners, express less remorse for the partners that they do, marry later, have fewer children, leave bad marriages in order to get good ones. we are seeing the rise of female sexual expression. and, indeed, once again we're moving forward to the kind of sexual expression that we probably saw on the grasslands of africa a million years ago, because this is the kind of sexual expression that we see in hunting and gathering societies today.

we're also returning to an ancient form of marriage equality. they're now saying that the 21st century is going to be the century of what they call the "symmetrical marriage," or the "pure marriage," or the "companionate marriage." this is a marriage between equals, moving forward to a pattern that is highly compatible with the ancient human spirit.

we're also seeing a rise of romantic love. 91 percent of american women and 86 percent of american men would not marry somebody who had every single quality they were looking for in a partner, if they were not in love with that person. people around the world, in a study of 37 societies, want to be in love with the person that they marry. indeed, arranged marriages are on their way off this braid of human life.

i even think that marriages might even become more stable because of the second great world trend. the first one being women moving into the job market, the second one being the aging world population. they're now saying that in america, that middle age should be regarded as up to age 85. because in that highest age category of 76 to 85, as much as 40 percent of people have nothing really wrong with them. so we're seeing there's a real extension of middle age.

and i looked -- for one of my books, i looked at divorce data in 58 societies. and as it turns out, the older you get, the less likely you are to divorce. so the divorce rate right now is stable in america, and it's actually beginning to decline. it may decline some more. i would even say that with viagra, estrogen replacement, hip replacements and the incredibly interesting women -- women have never been as interesting as they are now. not at any time on this planet have women been so educated, so interesting, so capable.

and so i honestly think that if there really was ever a time in human evolution when we have the opportunity to make good marriages, that time is now. however, there's always kinds of complications in this. in these three brain systems: lust, romantic love and attachment -- don't always go together. they can go together, by the way. that's why casual sex isn't so casual. with orgasm you get a spike of dopamine. dopamine's associated with romantic love, and you can just fall in love with somebody who you're just having casual sex with. with orgasm, then you get a real rush of oxytocin and vasopressin -- those are associated with attachment. this is why you can feel such a sense of cosmic union with somebody after you've made love to them.

but these three brain systems: lust, romantic love and attachment, aren't always connected to each other. you can feel deep attachment to a long-term partner while you feel intense romantic love for somebody else, while you feel the sex drive for people unrelated to these other partners. in short, we're capable of loving more than one person at a time. in fact, you can lie in bed at night and swing from deep feelings of attachment for one person to deep feelings of romantic love for somebody else. it's as if there's a committee meeting going on in your head as you are trying to decide what to do. so i don't think, honestly, we're an animal that was built to be happy; we are an animal that was built to reproduce. i think the happiness we find, we make. and i think, however, we can make good relationships with each other.

so i want to conclude with two things. i want to conclude with a worry -- i have a worry -- and with a wonderful story. the worry is about antidepressants. over 100 million prescriptions of antidepressants are written every year in the united states. and these drugs are going generic. they are seeping around the world. i know one girl who's been on these antidepressants, serotonin-enhancing -- ssri, serotonin-enhancing antidepressants -- since she was 13. she's 23.

she's been on them ever since she was 13.

i've got nothing against people who take them short term, when they're going through something perfectly horrible. they want to commit suicide or kill somebody else. i would recommend it. but more and more people in the united states are taking them long term. and indeed, what these drugs do is raise levels of serotonin. and by raising levels of serotonin, you suppress the dopamine circuit. everybody knows that. dopamine is associated with romantic love. not only do they suppress the dopamine circuit, but they kill the sex drive. and when you kill the sex drive, you kill orgasm. and when you kill orgasm, you kill that flood of drugs associated with attachment. the things are connected in the brain. and when you tamper with one brain system, you're going to tamper with another. i'm just simply saying that a world without love is a deadly place.

so now -- (applause) -- thank you. i want to end with a story. and then, just a comment. i've been studying romantic love and sex and attachment for 30 years. i'm an identical twin; i am interested in why we're all alike. why you and i are alike, why the iraqis and the japanese and the australian aborigines and the people of the amazon river are all alike.

and about a year ago, an internet dating service, match.com, came to me and asked me if i would design a new dating site for them. i said, "i don't know anything about personality. you know? i don't know. do you think you've got the right person?" they said, "yes." it got me thinking about why it is that you fall in love with one person rather than another.

that's my current project; it will be my next book. there's all kinds of reasons that you fall in love with one person rather than another. timing is important. proximity is important. mystery is important. you fall in love with somebody who's somewhat mysterious, in part because mystery elevates dopamine in the brain, probably pushes you over that threshold to fall in love. you fall in love with somebody who fits within what i call your "love map," an unconscious list of traits that you build in childhood as you grow up.

and i also think that you gravitate to certain people, actually, with somewhat complementary brain systems. and that's what i'm now contributing to this.

but i want to tell you a story about -- to illustrate. i've been carrying on here about the biology of love. i wanted to show you a little bit about the culture of it, too -- the magic of it. it's a story that was told to me by somebody who had heard it just from one of the -- probably a true story. it was a graduate student at -- i'm at rutgers and my two colleagues -- art aron is at suny stony brook. that's where we put our people in the mri machine.

and this graduate student was madly in love with another graduate student, and she was not in love with him. and they were all at a conference in beijing. and he knew from our work that if you go and do something very novel with somebody, you can drive up the dopamine in the brain, and perhaps trigger this brain system for romantic love. (laughter) so he decided he'd put science to work, and he invited this girl to go off on a rickshaw ride with him.

and sure enough -- i've never been in one, but apparently they go all around the buses and the trucks and it's crazy and it's noisy and it's exciting. and he figured that this would drive up the dopamine, and she would fall in love with him. so off they go and she's squealing and squeezing him and laughing and having a wonderful time. an hour later they get down off of the rickshaw, and she throws her hands up and she says, "wasn't that wonderful?" and, "wasn't that rickshaw driver handsome!" (laughter) (applause)

there's magic to love! but i will end by saying that millions of years ago, we evolved three basic drives: the sex drive, romantic love and attachment to a long-term partner. these circuits are deeply embedded in the human brain. they're going to survive as long as our species survives on what shakespeare called "this mortal coil." thank you. (applause)

【中文翻譯】

我今天要講倆個下世紀的大趨勢也很有可能是未來10,0XX年的趨勢但是，我想首先從我對愛情的研究講起因為這是我最近的工作。我和我的同事對32個深陷愛情中的人進行了功能性核磁共振大腦掃描這些人中的17個人獲取了異性的芳心其他的15個人則剛剛被甩所以我想先講一下這個實驗然後是我對愛情的理解

莎士比亞曾經問道：“愛情是什麼?” 我想我們的祖先對這個問題的困惑從一百萬年前他們圍坐在篝火邊或者躺著看星星時就開始了為了找到浪漫愛情的內涵我翻閱了45年來心理學方面的研究成果發現當人們陷入愛情的時候會發生一些特殊的現象首先會發生的是另一個人開始被賦予了“特殊意義” 就像一個卡車司機曾經對我說我的世界有了一個新的中心，那就是mary anne

而蕭伯納用不同的方式表達了同樣的意思他說，愛情中的人會誇大一個女人和另外一個女人的差別而事實也確實是這樣的。(笑聲) 然後你就會把全部的關注放在這個人身上雖然你也可以列出你不喜歡他/她的地方但對缺點馬上置之不理，然後全力去愛她/他就像喬叟說的那樣，“愛情是盲目的”

為了理解浪漫愛情我決定閱讀來自世界各地的詩歌現在我想給你們讀一首寫於八世紀中國的小詩因為它幾近完美的展現了一個男人是怎樣全身心的關注一個女人就像一個人瘋狂的愛上一個人的時候，這個人走進停車場。他會覺得這個人的車與其他任何車都不一樣這個人晚宴上的紅酒杯也和其他任何的酒杯不一樣在這個故事裡，一個男人迷上了一張竹蓆

這首詩是詩人元稹所寫的：竹簟襯重茵，未忍都令卷。憶昨初來日，看君自施展他之所以迷上一個竹蓆，可能跟你我一樣，因為頭腦里的多巴胺增多而引起的反應

但不管怎么說，不僅這個人對你來說有特殊的含義你會全身心的關注他或她。你會對他/她極度的吹捧。而且你的精力旺盛異常就像一個波利尼亞人說的那樣：“我覺得仿佛飛到了空中” 你會整晚都睡不著。你會一直走黎明當事情進展順利的時候，你會覺得興高采烈當事情不順利的時候，你又會陷入極度的失望和恐慌。你完全依賴於這個人了就像一個紐約的商人對我說的， “她喜歡的任何東西我都喜歡” 簡單，愛情就是那么簡單。

你會對性有極強的占有欲。你知道，如果你只是隨隨便便和一個人上床，你並不會在意他/她是否和其他人上床但當你陷入愛情的時候你對性會有極強的占有欲我想這種現象是遵循爾達文進化論的，也促進了人類的進化因為愛情讓兩個人緊緊綁在了一起，這種關係牢固到足以讓兩個人在一起生兒育女

但愛情最重要的特徵是渴望對某一個人，不僅是性上的，還包括感情上的渴望。當然能和他/她同床共枕是很好的，但你更期待他/她會給你打電話，約你出去，等等希望他告訴你他愛你愛情另外一個主要的特徵是動機。你已經迫不及待的開始行動，你想得到這個人。

愛情的最後一個也是同樣重要的特徵是痴迷當我讓他們進入核磁共振機之前我會問他們各種各樣的問題但最重要的問題始終是一個 “你一天之中有多少時間是在想念這個人的?” 他們會說，“整天整夜。從來沒停止過想念”

然後，我會問他們最後一個問題，我經常會想方設法引導他們去回答這個問題因為我不是一個心理學家我沒法治癒人們心靈的創傷這個最後的問題也始終是那一個： “你會為這個人去死嗎?” 這些人會說“會的!” 就好像我請他們把鹽遞給我那樣理所當然對這樣的回答，我感到很震驚。

我讓他們先看一幅愛人的照片，然後再讓他們看一幅不相關的照片，並監測了他們大腦的活動我們會發現同一個大腦在某一時刻達到最強烈的活動狀態又在什麼時候處於休息的狀態我們也發現相當多的大腦區域變得活躍而事實上我們最關注的一個大腦區域是那個讓你對古柯鹼感到渴求的大腦區域而這正是人們看到愛人照片時的反應

我開始意識到浪漫愛情並不僅僅是一種情緒我曾經認為愛情就是一系列的情緒從非常強烈到非常微弱的但事實上，愛情是一種驅動力它來自於心靈深處的動力來自於我們內心的欲望，一種強烈的願望這種動力，就像你想要得到那一塊朱古力一樣就像你想要在工作中獲得晉升一樣它在驅動我們的大腦活動，它是我們的驅動力

我認為這種動力比性的動力更為的強大當你問別人是否願意和你上床，如果這個人說“不” 你肯定不會因為這個自殺或是患上憂鬱症但在全世界範圍內，人們如果被愛拒絕，就會為此而輕生人們為愛而生，為愛而殺，為愛而死他們為愛創作了歌曲，詩歌，小說，雕塑，畫作，神話故事和傳奇在超過175個社會裡，人們都用不同的證據證明了這部分大腦組織是如此強大讓人們大喜大悲所以我認為它是世上最強大的大腦組織

我認為它是從最初的交配和繁殖發展而來的最基本的三種不同的大腦組織。其中一種是性慾：對性的一種渴望。 w.h.auden稱之為：不能忍受的神經性衝動確實，它就是那樣的。它總是不停的煩擾著你，就像飢餓一樣。第二個就是浪漫的愛情：那種讓人歡欣鼓舞，使人痴迷的情竇初開。那第三種就是依賴那是一種從長期伴侶那裡才能體會到的寧靜和安全。

我認為就是對性的渴望使你走出去從人群中尋找伴侶你知道，在你開車的時候你可以感覺到它它會使人魂不守舍而浪漫愛情會使你專注只與一個人發生關係因此你儲蓄著交配的能量，等待著時機而第三種大腦系統：依賴則發展成使你能夠對他/她很忍耐(笑聲)。這種寬容至少可以幫你撐過撫養小孩的這段時間。

開場白之後，我要討論兩個最顯著的社會趨勢。其中一個產生於100XX年前，另一個則是25年前，這兩種趨勢都對性慾，愛情，和依賴這三種不同的腦系統產生過影響。

第一個階段就是女人開始工作，成為勞動力的一部分。我查過聯合國的世界人口統計年鑑中的130-150個國家發現130箇中有129個國家的女性在進入勞動市場過程可能比較緩慢的，但這個趨勢確定無疑男性與女性之間經濟能力，健康和教育方面的距離正在縮小這個過程同樣非常緩慢

對於地球上出現的每種趨勢，總會伴隨著一種阻力對此，我們都很了解，但就像古老的阿拉伯諺語所說的：“狗會叫吠，但是車隊仍在前行。” 事實上也的確如此，這一趨勢滾滾向前。女性正在重返勞動市場。我之所以說是重返，因為女性勞動這事並不新鮮。在百萬年以來的非洲大地上，女性每天往返於牧場種植收割蔬菜。她們帶著60-80%的晚餐回到家雙人收入的家庭才是標準家庭同時，女性也擁有同男性一樣的經濟能力，社會能力和選擇伴侶的權力簡而言之，我們是返璞歸真了

然而，女性最差的發明就是犁隨著犁耕農業社會的開始，男性的所扮演的角色變得出奇的強勢女性失去了其作為收割者原始的工作但是隨著工業革命和後工業革命的產生女性開始重返勞動市場簡而言之，她們正在獲得在百萬年前就擁的社會地位和身份甚至早在100XX年甚至1000XX年前就曾擁有過我們現在看到的是人類歷史上最具標誌性的傳統之一而且這個傳統正在產生影響

通常，我的整個講演都可以圍繞女性對經濟領域的影響，這次我只會舉其中幾件事來講，接下來講愛情和性的部分男性與女性之間存在很多的差異那那些認為男人和女人很相似的人肯定沒有同時撫養過兒子和女兒我不知道為什麼他們會認為男人和女人是一樣的男人和女人是有很多相同的地方，但是也有很多不同

正如ted hughs 所言， “我們就像人的兩隻腳一樣，需要彼此配合才能繼續前行。” 但我們的大腦並沒有進化成一樣的構造而且現在正發現越來越多在思想上的差異我只講其中幾點，然後就將進入到性和愛情的部分其中一個是女性的語言能力。女人是聊天高手

女性可以迅速找到正確的辭彙，最清楚的說明事情這種能力在月經周期中間雌性激素達到頂峰時提高但是就算是在月經的時候，她們的表現都比普通男性好女性擅於交談她們早在百萬年前就如此，語言是她們的工具她們面對面的撫養教育小孩她們用語言哄小孩，罵小孩，教育小孩然而，女性正在成為一股強大的力量

甚至在一些女性進入普通勞動市場較慢的國家如印度和日本女性也進入到了新聞行業我認為電視就像一個全球的篝火晚會我們圍著它，同時它也在影響著我們的思想每每在我錄製節目時，那些給我打電話商量談話內容的製片人幾乎都是女性事實上，solzhenitsyn曾經說過， “擁有一個偉大的作家就像擁有了另一個政府”

如今在美國54%的作家都是女性這只是女性擁有的眾多特性中的一個這些特點幫助她們進入到勞動市場女人擁有非凡的人際技巧和談判技巧有著豐富的想像力想像力和長遠計畫形成的大腦路線她們是思路縝密的思考者因為女性大腦各部分聯繫的更好在她們思考的時候，能收集更多的數據組合成更加的複雜的形式，看到更多選擇和結果她們能進行條理清楚、整體性的思考，稱為網路思考者而男人會剔除他們認為不相關的事只專注於他們正在做的事情，思考方式偏向於按部就班式這兩種思考方式都很好我們需要他們共同發展事實上，在這個世界上，男性天才還是偏多的但是，世界上的白痴也是男性偏多的(笑聲) 當男性的大腦運行好的時候，可以非常的好我認為我們正在努力地建立一個合作型社會一個逐漸認同男性和女性才能的社會並且給予重視和利用

實際上，女性進入到勞動市場對性，愛情和家庭生活方面都有重大影響最明顯的，女性開始表現出他們的性慾我總是很驚訝每當人們這樣問我： “為什麼男性總是那么的花心?” 我就說“你怎么就認定是男性比女性花心呢?” “顯然啊，男性就是比較花心!” 我問他們，“那這些男人是和在什麼人上床呢?” 結果顯而易見吧(笑聲)

不管怎樣，在西方世界女性性成熟較早，她們擁有過更多的性伴侶且並不會因為自己的“博愛”而自責她們結婚更晚，小孩較少，為了尋找更好的婚姻而離婚女性有了更多對性的表達和訴求的確，我們在性表達上再一次回到了百萬年前非洲大地上的情景因為這就是以打獵和採摘為生活方式的社會具有的性表達

我們婚姻的平等狀況也正恢復原古時代有個說法就是，21世紀的婚姻可以被稱為“對等婚姻” “純潔的婚姻”也可以稱為“彼此不承擔法律義務的婚姻” 一種在平等主體間建立的婚姻回到了和遠古時代人類精神高度一致的形式

我們也看到了人們對浪漫愛情的追求美國91%的女性和86%的男性並不會因為對方具有自己心中的所有品質而結婚如果他/她們不愛對方對37個國家的研究發現，世界各地的人們只希望與他們所愛的人結婚的確，包辦婚姻已經開始淡出歷史的舞台

我認為婚姻應該變得更加的穩定因為我們正面臨著第二個巨大趨勢第一個就是女性進入勞動力市場第二個就是人口老齡化如今在美國 85歲才能被稱為中年因為，在76到85歲的這個年齡段 40%的人們健康是沒有任何問題的所以，我們看到了中年階層隊伍的擴大

我自己的一本書裡面有58個國家的離婚率統計你可以發現，隨著年紀的增大，離婚率也隨著降低所以現在美國的離婚率是穩定的實際上正在逐漸的降低未來還會繼續下降而且隨著“偉哥”，“雌性激素更新”，“臀部改造”等技術的出現女性也變得越來越有魅力女性從未像現在這樣有吸引力沒有哪個時期的女性像今天這樣如此的有教養，有魅力和有能力所以我非常確信，在人類進化的歷史上最有條件創造完美婚姻的時機，就是現在!

然而，這個過程還是存在著很多複雜問題在這三個大腦系統中性，浪漫愛情，和依賴並不總是結合在一起的順便說一下，它們是可以同時存在的這就是為什麼偶然的性愛也不是那么的隨便的隨著性高潮的到來，你的身體會釋放多巴胺多巴胺是和浪漫愛情聯繫在一起的你會愛上那個剛剛和你“一夜情”的人同時伴隨性高潮，身體還會產生“後葉催產素”和“後葉加壓素” 這些都是與“依賴”相關的激素這就是為什麼你與別人發生關係之後，你會感覺到自己和他/她緊緊的聯繫在一起

但是這三個情感系統並不總會綁在一起你對相處了很久的一個伴侶有很深的依賴和責任感同時你又強烈的愛著另外的人同時你可能對第三個人產生性慾簡單的說，我們能在同一時間愛很多人事實上，當我們晚上躺在床上時我們可以想著對某人的依賴感再感受著與某人的浪漫愛情在你頭腦中仿佛在開一個小組會議因為你需要做一個選擇所以我認為，人類並不是一個被創造出來享受快樂的物種我們是一種被創造出來繁衍後代的物種我認為幸福是我們發現，我們創造的我們可以和每個人建立良好的關係

所以我想以兩件事來做總結一件是讓我擔憂的事我有一個擔憂，和一個精彩的故事我的擔憂是關於抗抑鬱藥的美國每年會開出超過一億份抗抑鬱處方這些藥物正變得很普遍它們滲入到世界各地我認識一個女孩從她13歲開始就在服用抗抑鬱藥一種用於提升血清素的抗抑鬱藥物今年她23歲，她從13歲就開始服用這種藥

我不反對那些在短期內因為遇到非常煩惱的事情而服用抗抑鬱藥的人對那些想要自殺或者殺人的患者我是建議他們服用的但是越來越多的美國人開始長時期的服用抑鬱藥這些藥物的作用是提高“血清素”的含量隨著血清素含量的上升，抑制了多巴胺的循環每個人都知道多巴胺是與浪漫愛情聯繫的抗抑鬱藥不僅抑制了多巴胺的產生，也使性慾下降當你的性慾下降時，你將失去性高潮一旦失去性高潮，那些讓你產生依賴感的激素就被遏制神經系統在大腦里都是相互關聯的其中一個大腦系統被破壞的時侯另一個系統也將紊亂我只想說一個沒有的愛的世界是沒有生機的

所以(鼓掌)謝謝我想以一個故事來結束，然後就是一句評價我對愛情，性和依賴的研究已經有30年了我是雙胞胎，對為什麼我們如此的相像很感興趣為什麼你和我很像，為什麼伊拉克人，日本人澳大利亞土著人，和亞馬孫河流域的人都是那么像

大約一年前，一個網路婚介服務公司match.com找到我想讓我為他們設計一個新的約會站點我說：“我對性格一點都不了解，你知道嗎?” 我不確定你是否找對了人他們回答：“是的” 這讓我開始思考，為什麼你會愛上某一個人而不是另外的人

這是我目前正在研究的課題，也是我下本書的內容你出於各種理由愛上某個人時機很重要，距離也很重要神秘感很重要。你可能由於某個人很神秘而愛上他因為神秘感可以使你腦中的多巴胺上升讓你越過那道閘門而墜入愛河你愛上那些正好符合你“愛情地圖”的人他符合你在童年時期潛意識裡設定的擇偶清單我還認為，你將會被那些和你有互補特質的人所吸引這就是我現在正在努力研究的課題

但是我想告訴你一個故事來說明這個問題我在這兒談論的是愛情的生理基礎我想再告訴你們關於文化的一些東西關於愛情的魔力這是一個聽別人轉述的故事應該是一個真實的故事是關於一個研究生的，我是rutgers的，我的兩個同事 art aaron 是 suny stonybrook的就是我們為那些人做核磁共振掃描的地方

這個研究生瘋狂的愛上了另外一個研究生但是那個女生並不愛他後來他們一起去參加一個在北京的研討會他從我們的工作中得知，如果你與某人一起做一些非常新鮮的事，可以使那人腦中的多巴胺值上升這樣就很可能引致浪漫愛情的出現(大笑) 因此他決定把科學套用到實踐中去所以他約這個女孩一起坐黃包車

我自己從來沒做過黃包車他們穿梭於巴士和卡車之間非常的瘋狂，非常的嘈雜也非常的刺激男生覺得這樣會增加女孩腦中的多巴胺使女孩子愛上他一路上，那個女孩興奮的叫著，靠著他愉悅享受著美好的時光一小時後他們下了黃包車那個女孩舉起她的雙手問道：“太刺激了，感覺太好了!” “那個車夫好帥喔!” (大笑)(鼓掌)

這就是愛情的魔力在結束時我要說，在百萬年前，人類就發展出三個大腦系統性慾，愛情和對長期伴侶的依賴這些循環系統深深紮根於人類的大腦中它們將與人類一起長期共存這就是莎士比亞說的“塵世的煩惱” 謝謝。

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