蘋果CEO自述:與死神擦肩(Rubbed shoulders with death)

中文:

17歲的時候,我讀到了一句格言,好像是:“如果你把每一天都當作生命中最後一天去生活的話,肯定有一天你會是正確的。”這句話給我留下了深刻的印象。自那以後,在過去的33年中我每天早晨都會對著鏡子問自己:“如果今天是我生命中的最後一天,我會去做今天打算做的那些事嗎?”每當答案連續多日都是“不會”的時候,我知道我該做些改變了。

提醒自己我即將死去,是幫我做出人生中許多重大抉擇的最重要的工具。因為幾乎所有的一切——所有他人的期望、榮耀、面子問題和對失敗的恐懼——這些在死亡面前都會消失殆盡,留下的是真正重要的東西。提醒自己我將要死去,我認為是避免患得患失的最好辦法。你本來就一無所有,沒有理由不順心而為。

大約一年前, 我被診斷出得了癌症。我在早晨7點半做了掃描, 掃描結果清楚地顯示我的胰腺上長了一個腫瘤。我當時甚至都不知道胰腺是什麼東西。醫生告訴我,這基本上是一種無法治癒的癌症, 我活在世上的時間不會超過3~6個月。醫生勸我回家,安排後事,這是醫生讓病人等死的婉言。這意味著你要儘量把本來想在未來10年內對孩子們說的話在幾個月里說完;意味著你要把一切安排妥當,讓你的家人儘可能地輕鬆一點;意味著你要說“再見”了。

診斷結果讓我想了一整天。那天晚上晚些時候,我做了活組織切片檢查。醫生將一個內窺鏡從我的喉嚨伸進去,通過我的胃, 進入我的腸子, 然後用一根針刺進我的胰腺,在腫瘤上提取了一些細胞。我當時注射了鎮定劑,但在場的妻子後來告訴我,醫生在顯微鏡下觀察這些細胞的時候,忽然叫了起來, 因為我患的竟然是一種非常罕見的、可以用手術治癒的胰腺癌。我做了手術,現在痊癒了。

那是我與死神擦肩而過的一次, 我希望這也是以後幾十年最接近死神的一次。以前死亡對於我只是一個有用但抽象的概念,有了這次經歷後,我現在可以更加確信地對你們說:

沒有人願意死, 即使人們想上天堂, 也不會為了去那裡而死。但是死亡是我們每個人共同的歸宿,無人倖免。也應該如此,因為死亡很可能是生命惟一最好的發明。它是生命變化更替的推動力。它破舊立新。你們現在是新人,但是不久的將來,你們會慢慢變老,然後被清除掉。我很抱歉這很戲劇性,但事實就是這樣。

你們的時間很有限, 所以不要把時間浪費在重複他人的生活上。不要受教條的束縛,因為那就意味著你依據別人的思想在生活。不要讓他人喋喋不休的意見淹沒掉你自己內心的聲音。最重要的是, 要勇於聽從你內心的直覺。可以說,內心的直覺早已知道你想要成為什麼樣的人,而其他一切都是次要的。

when i was 17, i read a quote that went something like: "if you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." it made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, i have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "if today were the last day of my life, would i want to do what i am about to do today?" and whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, i know i need to change something.

remembering that i'll be dead soon is the most important tool i've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure -- these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. remembering that you are going to die is the best way i know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. you are already naked. there is no reason not to follow your heart.

about a year ago i was diagnosed with cancer. i had a scan at 7∶30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. i didn't even know what a pancreas was. the doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that i should expect to live no longer than three to six months. my doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. it means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. it means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. it means to say your goodbyes.

i lived with that diagnosis all day. later that evening i had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. i was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. i had the surgery and i'm fine now.

this was the closest i've been to facing death, and i hope it's the closest i get for a few more decades. having lived through it, i can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

no one wants to die. even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. and yet death is the destination we all share. no one has ever escaped it. and that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. it is life's change agent. it clears out the old to make way for the new. right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. don't be trapped by dogma -- which is living with the results of other people's thinking. don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. and most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. they somehow already know what you truly want to become. everything else is secondary.