A Letter to a Schoolmate
14 points
I am delighted to learn that you are going to visit me during the week-long holiday. My parents will also be happy to see you again. I am sure you will enjoy every minute here.
I know you are fond of swimming. A river lies not far away from my home. We can go swimming there. I think it would be very pleasant and refreshing to swim in such hot summer days. In every big room of my home there is an air-conditioner. We can watch TV, play VCDs or read books very comfortably at home.
A mountain about two miles away from here is beautiful and it is worth touring. We can go there on foot. When we climb to the top of the mountain, we can have a wonderful bird-eye view of the whole village.
Just phone me before you set off. There is no need for you to take anything. I’ll prepare everything for you.
I am looking forward to seeing you soon.
評析
這篇作文內容切題，提綱要求的三方面內容都寫到了，通篇文字簡潔流暢，連貫性也較好，其文體亦是個人書信常用的口語體。該考生語法概念清楚，句子結構正確，詞語搭配基本符合英美人的習慣。例如：第一段第一句I am delighted to learn…使用就很得體，別看learn這個詞很簡單，如果說成to know就沒有這樣得體。另外，像be happy to see you again，enjoy every minute here，are fond of swimming，it would be very pleasant and refreshing to swim in such hot summer days，is worth touring，go there on foot，looking forward to seeing you soon 等句子和表達都用得很嫻熟得當，說明該考生的基本功是很紮實的。
需要改進的主要有以下幾處：
1． 第3段第一句A mountain about two miles away from here is beautiful and it is worth
touring.語法沒有錯，但是，如果改成About two miles away from here there is a beautiful mountain就合乎英美人的使用習慣。另外，英美人也不大會講A mountain is worth touring， 我們講tour a city， 是到一個城市觀光， tour Europe是到歐洲觀光，其含義是要參觀訪問一個城市的好幾個景點，訪問歐洲好多個國家，好多個風景名勝，這裡上下文看不出這樣的含義，用tour就不合適了， touring應為climbing。
2． 第3段第3句中的bird-eye view應為bird’s-eye view。
3． 第2段第4句和第5句之間的連線差一點，加一個轉折詞語，如Besides, In addition或In the meantime等讀起來要好一些。
現將原文稍作修改，供讀者參考：
I am delighted to learn that you are going to visit me during the weeklong holiday. My parents will also be happy to see you again. I am sure you will enjoy every minute of your stay here.
I know you are fond of swimming. A river lies not far away from my home. We can go swimming there. I think it will be very pleasant and refreshing to swim in such hot summer days. In the meantime, as there is an air-conditioner in every big room of our house, we can watch TV, play VCDs or read books very comfortably when we stay at home.
About two miles away from here there is a beautiful mountain. We can get there on foot. I assure you it will be great fun climbing it. When we reach its top, we can have a bird’s-eye view of the country for miles around.
Just phone me before you set off. There is no need for you to bring anything. I’ll prepare everything for you.
I am looking forward to seeing you soon.